Why Rest Feels Like A Waste Of Time (And What You Can Do About It)

You feel guilty or lazy if you aren’t being productive

You know you should take some time off, or incorporate more rest, but it feels SO hard. It actually makes you feel anxious or restless to think about slowing down or resting regularly. Sure, you can get on board with the idea of a vacation or two, but resting regularly? If taking time off that isn’t a vacation or not working into the evenings sounds upsetting or uncomfortable to you, then this one’s for you.

It can be really difficult for high-achievers, particularly those who struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism, to allow themselves to rest and relax. It can feel like a waste of time that would be better spent doing something productive for work, or even things that need to be done around the house. High achievers and people-pleasers tend to pride themselves on their work ethic, but the need to be productive can go too far when it becomes our whole identity, or becomes how we judge our worth and value. If you’re reading this and thinking, well that’s not me because I don’t find my entire self worth in how productive I am…let me ask you this. Do you feel guilty when you aren’t working? Do you constantly feel like you could be doing more? Should I be doing more? Am I doing enough? Is there a way I can be doing it better? Be a better parent? Partner? Colleague? If any of those things resonate…this blog is for you.

Why You Feel Guilty For Resting

Guilt for not doing enough is what happens when our self-worth becomes tied to our ability to produce or live up to the expectations we have set for ourselves, or ones others have set for us. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like guilt, but it feels like restlessness when we aren’t doing anything. The discomfort is your brain’s reaction to being still - and if you’re a high achiever, perfectionist or people-pleaser, your brain does NOT like being still. IT always thinks it needs to be doing something, or else. Or else…someone might be upset with you. Or important things won’t get done. Or you’ll become stagnant and never each your full potential. 

Some of this comes from social conditioning where we’ve been taught to believe that busyness = success, or busyness = importance and value. Sometimes it is a cultural value instilled in us by our parents. Ever heard the phrase ‘idle hands are the devil’s handiwork’? That definitely implies that bad things happen when we are idle. Even if you didn’t grow up religious, if you grew up in America you have been influenced by something called ‘Protestant Work Ethic’, a term created by sociologist Max Weber that emphasizes the importance of hard work and discipline as virtues and necessary for both physical success and spiritual fulfillment. This stems all the way back to the original colonists who fled religious persecution in England and who had to have a strong work ethic to quite literally survive. They had to work 7 days a week during all the daylight hours to build homes, blacksmith shops, fences for livestock, set up gardens and hunt and gather. Everyone in the community had to be working constantly to ensure survival - and that still permeates American culture and can be seen across other developments such as the Industrial Revolution. Even the 8 hour workday, 5 days a week that most companies adhere to was created by Henry Ford literally 100 years ago..and we still adhere to that today. All of this is to say that the drive you have to be working constantly isn’t just in your head, it’s in the culture all around you and even baked into your DNA that has been passed down from generations of ancestors who had to work hard (in this country or others).

The problem is that we don’t live in the same time period as our ancestors; we have more resources and more options. We have technological and industrial advancements that mean that most of us don’t have to work sun up to sun down, 365 days a year just to put food on the table. (Obviously if you are a farmer, you have to - but even then, we have technology that lets us do a lot more in a lot less time than even your grandparents could).

We don’t live in the same conditions, but our brains sometimes act like we do. And we live in a time of toxic productivity. 

How Toxic Productivity Messes With Your Brain

Why call it toxic productivity? Because we often don’t have to be as productive as we think we need to be, and the incessant drive can actually have negative effects. Sometimes we can even get a little addicted to the dopamine rush from completing a project, whether we enjoy the high of getting it done at the last minute or the rush of completing a big project no one thought could be done in such a short timeframe. 

Sometimes we can get swept away in the fear of falling behind. We start to believe that if we aren’t constantly learning, growing and pushing the limits…that we’ll fall behind. Or fail. We’re afraid won’t be as competitive or we’ll lose our competitive edge, or we’ll be less accomplished and eventually…less valuable…to our companies, our clients, our loved ones, society…you name it. We fear that stagnation means we have failed. This fear of failing begins to manifest as anxiety (heart racing, trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, endless cycles of ‘what if’s), overthinking and being way too self-critical. We may shame ourselves for not meeting the unrealistic expectations we have set, believe we aren’t good enough, or think that if we fall behind we’ll never be able to catch up. We may even believe we’ll miss critical opportunities if we slow down or take any time off, even though some part of us knows we do our best work when we are rested, or at least are more efficient when we are rested.

So how do you let yourself slow down and rest, without sacrificing productivity?

Understanding Rest as a Productivity Tool

First we have to start by addressing the ways that rest actually enhances productivity and performance. There is a good amount of research that claims that quality rest actually improves productivity. We also have to redefine the way we understand rest. Rest doesn’t just have to be sleeping for 10 hours or taking a month-long vacation. Rest should be something that rejuvenates you and is a true physical and mental break from work. We need both mental and physical rest, and how we get it varies by person. Some might enjoy reading or watching a movie, others might enjoy going for a walk or bike ride. Most of us need a little bit of both.

It’s also important to start thinking of rest not as wasted time, but strategic recovery that improves your overall performance. We can see this with the training routines of many professional athletes and marathon runners who intentionally schedule down time and off days into their training schedules in order to achieve peak performance. We also have to change the way we think about success and begin to think about taking care of ourselves as being a critical ingredient to being successful. Do you think Simone Biles would have all those gold medals if she never took a rest day? Hell, she even took a year off after withdrawing from the 2021 Olympics and she came back even stronger in 2024. If Simone Biles needs rest, what makes you think you don’t? Spoiler: nothing, because you absolutely need rest too.

Practical Ways to Overcome Guilt and Let Yourself Rest

There are generally two types of rest - active rest, and passive rest. Passive rest is something that happens to you, not  something you choose. It’s what happens when you hit the wall and slide down it. When you’re so tired you can’t stay awake anymore, even with another cup of coffee. What happens when you don’t slow down and eventually you get sick, and your body won’t allow you to work at your breakneck pace. Passive rest is what happens when you stop being as productive because the same task is now taking twice as long to complete because you’re so (acutely or chronically) tired. Active rest is the preferred type of rest, and it’s the kind of rest that we choose. It is deliberately setting aside time when you are not thinking about or doing work, but instead are doing hobbies or connecting with people (but still not talking about work). 

Give yourself permission to rest - because if you don’t, eventually your body will do it for you, and you won’t like it. Have you ever noticed that when you feel particularly stuck on some problem or thing you can’t figure out, that letting it sit overnight or taking a break to do something else often causes your subconscious mind to quietly work on it in the background before you get a random epiphany or idea of what you can try to fix or improve it? That is the impact of rest. 

Practical Tip:  someone you loved told you they were overwhelmed and exhausted, would you tell them to push through? Most likely you would tell them to get some rest and pick it back up tomorrow. You would tell them that they’ll be more efficient and less likely to make mistakes if they get some rest. You would tell them that unless they’re an ER staff actively trying to save someone’s life, then whatever they are working on will still be there tomorrow (because even the ER docs have shifts that end).

Here’s the bottom line: Rest isn’t the same thing as being lazy. Believing it’s lazy drives the relentless pace you set for yourself and will ultimately lead to burnout…aka hitting the wall and sliding down it in an epic and horrible way. Instead, try to practice the steps above and start reframing rest as something you deserve AND something that is necessary for you to be more productive over the longhaul. 

As always, I recommend working with a licensed therapist who specializes in working with perfectionists, people-pleasing and overwhelmed high-achievers, like me. If you are interested in working together you can book a consult call here, or use an online directory to find a therapist in your area. 

DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and entertainment purposes only; it is not therapy and is not a replacement for therapy. Reading this website does not constitute a provider-client relationship. Consult your licensed physician or licensed mental health provider regarding advice, questions and support for your mental health. Information found on this website should be used only in conjunction with working with a licensed mental health professional or physician. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or 988. See website disclaimer for more information.